The last three days I have awoken in tears. I hate feeling this way and even more, I don't understand it. Things are going well. The holidays are finally f***ing over. I love Christmas, and I love the girls and the way they react to all the festivities, but am so happy to have things going back to normal soon. I just want to feel happy inside again. I want the warmth and the security of knowing that I am not going to be in tears for no reason. I just feel so numb and cold... I want my life back... What is wrong with me?? DB has enough stress in his life that he can't handle this. Then I worry that he will leave me bc I can't get it togethor. He of course says that leaving me isn't even a thought, but I see the fear in his eyes. What if the ex was right. What if all he said is true? Granted I hurt him and he was angry, but what if I am only lovable in the summer and these winter months just aren't worth it for anyone?? Am I destined to be like my mother? When ER and I broke up last time (10 days) my mother actually told me that some people are just meant to be alone, no matter how hard they try to find love. I will never be as bitter, lonley and sexually frustrated as her...NEVER!

enough venting for an opener...